If you know me personally, you already know that I am a person who don’t normally open up to other people. I don’t often let my guard down.
Most people find me weird because they can barely read what’s running on my mind. I make weird decisions. I don’t want to settle with things and people just because it fits the society’s norm. Perhaps, people see me as someone who has been broken, and I can’t stop people from judging the cracks in my life. I am somehow thankful to God for He has beautifully made me whole again and it doesn’t matter if people can see it or not.
I am a very sensitive person, I’d like to think that with all those experiences, I have already grown a thick skin. But sometimes, I can’t keep myself from getting hurt. Words burn me when it comes from a loved one or a friend. It burns me when the few people I trust to get inside my circle turn out to be the people who would destroy me in the end.
I also overthink, I hate commotion even though I sometimes respond in a sassy way. I just don’t want to appear weak or someone who needs to be taken care of or someone who can’t stand up for herself. So I tend to end up masquerading how I truly feel. That is why my friends who know me so well often tease me that the game I know how to play the best is “Taguan ng Feelings” or hiding my feelings in English.
Earlier I asked God, what does He wants me to learn today? What is He teaching me?
And with all the overwhelming emotions that I have bottled up inside me, I found an answer and God’s message with my devotion today.
When God inhabits the imperfect and broken pieces in our lives, the healing hope of His power is often more visible to others. Yes, His repair work in our hearts often leaves the scars of cracks. But those lines from our learning are the etchings in our beings that should make His character more visible to others.
I am not perfect and will never be. My brokenness and scars will forever smudge in my life. But then I realized, life is too short and if Grim Reaper comes, am I prepared? Nobody can tell how long are we going to live or when are we going to die, therefore we have to live our lives as if it’s our last. Hence, death is something that we shouldn’t fear because that’s where we find the essence of life.
So today I pray that God would show His power as I share the treasure of His gospel in my broken, but beautiful life.