Perfectly Imperfect

Live-and-Learn

If you know me personally, you already know that I am a person who don’t normally open up to other people. I don’t often let my guard down.

Most people find me weird because they can barely read what’s running on my mind. I make weird decisions. I don’t want to settle with things and people just because it fits the society’s norm. Perhaps, people see me as someone who has been broken, and I can’t stop people from judging the cracks in my life. I am somehow thankful to God for He has beautifully made me whole again and it doesn’t matter if people can see it or not.

I am a very sensitive person, I’d like to think that with all those experiences, I have already grown a thick skin. But sometimes, I can’t keep myself from getting hurt. Words burn me when it comes from a loved one or a friend. It burns me when the few people I trust to get inside my circle turn out to be the people who would destroy me in the end.

I also overthink, I hate commotion even though I sometimes respond in a sassy way. I just don’t want to appear weak or someone who needs to be taken care of or someone who can’t stand up for herself. So I tend to end up masquerading how I truly feel. That is why my friends who know me so well often tease me that the game I know how to play the best is “Taguan ng Feelings” or hiding my feelings in English.

Earlier I asked God, what does He wants me to learn today? What is He teaching me?

And with all the overwhelming emotions that I have bottled up inside me, I found an answer and God’s message with my devotion today.

When God inhabits the imperfect and broken pieces in our lives, the healing hope of His power is often more visible to others. Yes, His repair work in our hearts often leaves the scars of cracks. But those lines from our learning are the etchings in our beings that should make His character more visible to others.

I am not perfect and will never be. My brokenness and scars will forever smudge in my life. But then I realized, life is too short and if Grim Reaper comes, am I prepared? Nobody can tell how long are we going to live or when are we going to die, therefore we have to live our lives as if it’s our last. Hence, death is something that we shouldn’t fear because that’s where we find the essence of life.

So today I pray that God would show His power as I share the treasure of His gospel in my broken, but beautiful life.

Broken

Remember the first time you got your heart broken? It hurts like hell right? It’s funny how someone who meant the world to you and promised you the whole world is now

a stranger. So there you are, alone and afraid to fall in love because you don’t want to feel broken again. It’s funny how the person you once loved is now the reason for your hatred. 
It’s true that you can never force someone to love you regardless if you are still committed. Everything is borrowed and temporary. Once they fall out of love, it would be so hard to get them to love you back again. 

Having said that, though we don’t own their hearts, I believe that we are all entitled for respect and we are all entitled for an honest goodbye. 

But what if we’re left hanging not knowing that we are waiting for nothing because no one’s coming back?

How hard is it to be honest and tell you that they don’t love you anymore and they just want to be free? No matter how painful the words are, we all deserve an explanation. 

What adds an insult to your injury is knowing that they were the one who stabbed you and then they act like they are the one who’s bleeding.

So there you are, feeling used, dumped and insecure asking what is wrong with you. 

The truth is, nothing is wrong with you. You just chose the wrong person. You just chose not to follow your intuition when you first met them and found their boo-boos. You ignored those things because you were blinded by your infatuation. 

There’s nothing wrong with you. There is something wrong with the people you choose to be with. 

What I have learned in my 26 years of existence is that you don’t have to welcome all the people that you meet in your life. You have to choose wisely and follow your instincts. Avoid people who mess with your head. Avoid people who keep on doing the things that upset you. Avoid people who want you to prioritize them but refuses to prioritize you. 

You might have been left out, but I call it destiny when you grow from a place where someone left you in.