What if?

what if

Earlier, one of my colleague asked me. “Do you have regrets? Do you have What ifs?” and then I suddenly thought, what if I didn’t fall in love? I might have stayed focused in reaching for my dreams. Maybe, I have already reached my dreams in traveling the world. I would have been working on a cruise ship now together with my former classmates.

But what if all of those heartaches and pain didn’t happen to me? I would still be that little girl who’s afraid to stand up for herself. I would still be that little girl who would do the things that the people around me want me to do even though I don’t really like it.

What if I don’t have a child? What if I am still single and free? I would still be the person who’s lost and doesn’t know where I am heading to.

I did question everything. Why everything has to happen all at once, but then, I learned and understood that God won’t put me in a situation without a purpose. All those pain, trials and mistakes have to happen so that He can fulfill His plan for me.

I don’t have regrets. The only regret that I have is the pain that I have inflicted to my family when I didn’t turn out the way they expected me to be. The only regret that I will have in my life right now, is if I carry on reaching for my dreams alone and neglect the chance to watch my child learn and grow.

The only regret I’ll have is giving up just because of one painful past. The only regret that I’ll have is wasting so much of my time caring too much about the people’s perception and opinion about me.

If I have tasted the most delicious cake in the world and the people around me would ask me to stop eating it because it’s not delicious, I’d still eat it. I won’t care about what they say because I love what I’m doing.

They said, “The winner takes it all.” I believe it’s true. They take everything including disappointments and setbacks.

I know, it’s not that easy and I am still learning. I am getting there. I am learning each and every time I experience judgments.

Life is never easy. It’s not always rainbows and butterflies. And I believe that’s how God designed it to be. He made it that way so that we’ll be able to appreciate the eternal happiness that awaits us when we leave this earth.

Advocacy

prolife

It all started when I was 4 years old. I am a Lola’s girl so as a child I always wanted to be with my grandmother. It was one cold evening when people were having a commotion. My grandmother checked to see what’s happening and right there we saw a fetus in the garbage.

I didn’t fully understand what happened but my grandmother told me what was it, and she told me, “Look, that’s a baby.” I was oblivious as to why it looks like that and why it’s in the garbage. I did not say a word but it did not leave my memory. I can still remember the exact same spot, I remember how it looked like and I can still remember how I felt. It left me wondering why it was there and where his/her parents are.

I am not trying to be a goody-goody kind of person. I do have a lot of flaws. I have made so many bad and irrational decisions in life but killing my own child even if it isn’t expected will never be in my element. Perhaps, that incident has led me to my advocacy. To know why these things are happening. It could be because they see them as an inconvenience rather than a blessing. Or they might have been raped. However, I don’t see the point of letting the child pay for what other people have sinned. I don’t see the point of letting an innocent suffer for it.

I know it’s never easy knowing that the people are going to judge you. It’s not easy to raise a child alone. We can have a lot of alibis. We are not yet ready, they will only be miserable or they are diagnosed with disability when they are still inside our womb so we would rather have them die early than suffer for the rest of their life.

I want to share a story about my favorite singer. His mother was advised by the doctor to have him aborted as early as possible because he will be born with disability and his mother refused. On his concert, before he sang, he told the audience about his story. He is a blind man, but you know what? he is the best singer in the world. He is Andrea Bocelli. What am I trying to say? Nobody knows what the future holds. We can never predict what’s going to happen, we can never judge someone because of their disability. Only God knows what our future holds. God has written our life story long before we were born. And these little innocent child, they were formed for a purpose. Nothing happens because of an accident even though they were conceived unexpectedly.

I have watched a documentary as to how some people perform an abortion and I can’t even imagine the pain of the little child inside the mother’s womb. They insert the suction inside and they forcibly suck the body of the baby. There was one ultrasound video where in the baby knows what is currently happening and he/she tries so hard to escape from the suction and his/her mouth turned wide open that looks like it’s screaming for help.

I know it’s never easy to face the responsibility but I do know very well that it’s a lot harder to live a life without a burden knowing that you have killed or abandoned a life that you are supposed to protect. We were once young and vulnerable and the reason as to why we were meant to grow up and become strong is because we were meant to protect the innocent children knowing that we were like them once.

No matter what we’ve been through, we might have been hurt as a child. We might have grown up without a parent or someone to protect us, can we break the chain? Can we do our best to love in-spite of the pain?

I know how hatred feels like. I know how hurt feels like.  And it’s up to me if I am going to use those experiences by doing the same thing to the people around me or if it’s going to make me become more compassionate to them.

The world is full of judgmental people anyway. Whatever reasons we have, can we not resort to killing the innocent? They need us to protect them and nurture them. They need our love and we need to focus on loving them more than focusing on the judgment of our society.