Who I Used To Be

I used to question God’s love and presence in my life. I used to believe that if you are kind, people will abuse you. I used to carry heartache, pain and hatred in my heart. I used to believe that vengeance will be able to make me feel better. But the truth is, it will destroy me more. It will add an insult to my injury and will fuel the fire.
I was lost and weary but God has found me and He loved me in my most unlovable state. He made me realize that I am not a label, I am not my job, I am not my status. I am pure creative energy. I am a miracle. I am enough. The state of joy, bliss and happiness is our true state, our natural state. Hate, pain and suffering are caused by our own thinking and by the society’s norm as to what a person should be or what a perfect life looks like.

“Why me?”
A victim will use this line of thinking to justify their beliefs in thinking that the world is against them. The world is against nobody. It is you against you. I believe I experienced some challenges in life because I needed to. That in fact, the things I once considered to be the worst things that have ever happened to me are now actually my biggest gifts. These lessons are what have shaped me today. It is because of these events that I can listen to people and say I understand you, I feel you, I know because I actually do.

“When will the pain end?”

The pain will only end when you decide to change your thinking. Its a choice we all have. You are telling the story of your life, you have the power to tell a different one. You choose everyday how you interpret other’s actions, how you interpret events and how you interpret the world around you. God has written your story even before you were born. No one can dictate who you should be because He knows you better than anyone else.

If there is someone right now sitting there with pain in their heart, with suffering in their mind and doesn’t know when it will end. I’m here to tell you, pain doesn’t last forever. No matter how bad it gets or it has been, it can change around. Right here, right now.

Do you know how I know? because I was you.

Broken

Remember the first time you got your heart broken? It hurts like hell right? It’s funny how someone who meant the world to you and promised you the whole world is now

a stranger. So there you are, alone and afraid to fall in love because you don’t want to feel broken again. It’s funny how the person you once loved is now the reason for your hatred. 
It’s true that you can never force someone to love you regardless if you are still committed. Everything is borrowed and temporary. Once they fall out of love, it would be so hard to get them to love you back again. 

Having said that, though we don’t own their hearts, I believe that we are all entitled for respect and we are all entitled for an honest goodbye. 

But what if we’re left hanging not knowing that we are waiting for nothing because no one’s coming back?

How hard is it to be honest and tell you that they don’t love you anymore and they just want to be free? No matter how painful the words are, we all deserve an explanation. 

What adds an insult to your injury is knowing that they were the one who stabbed you and then they act like they are the one who’s bleeding.

So there you are, feeling used, dumped and insecure asking what is wrong with you. 

The truth is, nothing is wrong with you. You just chose the wrong person. You just chose not to follow your intuition when you first met them and found their boo-boos. You ignored those things because you were blinded by your infatuation. 

There’s nothing wrong with you. There is something wrong with the people you choose to be with. 

What I have learned in my 26 years of existence is that you don’t have to welcome all the people that you meet in your life. You have to choose wisely and follow your instincts. Avoid people who mess with your head. Avoid people who keep on doing the things that upset you. Avoid people who want you to prioritize them but refuses to prioritize you. 

You might have been left out, but I call it destiny when you grow from a place where someone left you in.

When Everything Seems Wrong

One day there was a king who got his finger wounded while he was out in the forest with his private doctor. The doctor has put a bandage on it and then the king asked the doctor, “Is it going to be okay?” The doctor replied, “Good, bad… who knows?” In the next few days, it became infected. The king asked the doctor again, “Is it going to be okay?” The doctor replied, “Good, bad.. who knows?” After a few weeks, the wound became more infected and the king’s finger has to be amputated. The king got angry at the doctor and he had put him in the dungeon. One day, the king went out again to the forest and he was trapped by a tribe. They tied him on a tree and started doing their ritual as they were about to sacrifice the king to their God. But when they were about to kill him, someone shouted… “Stop! We cannot sacrifice him to our God. He is not perfect. He only got nine fingers.” They had let go of the king and when the king went back to their kingdom, he let his doctor out of the dungeon and said, “Forgive me. I shouldn’t have became angry at you. If my finger hasn’t been amputated, I should have been dead by now.” The doctor replied with joy, “No, don’t be sorry. I am actually happy and blessed that you have put me in this dungeon. Because if you did not put me here, I would have gone to the forest with you and they might have killed me as a sacrifice to their God because I got ten fingers.”

Many times, we always blame someone else whenever we get hurt. We ask God why it has to happen to us even though we don’t deserve it. But God knows what He is doing. In Jeremiah 1:5 Jesus said  that He has written our life story long before we were born. Even if it is unexpected to us, it has never been unexpected to Him. As cliche’ as it sounds, everything happens for a reason. It is not because you are stupid and you make bad decisions in life. No matter how much you overthink before making a decision, you will still be put on a very hard situation. Whoever tells you that your decisions are the reasons why you are down in the dumps, never believe their words. The truth is, people who are good at telling nasty things to someone and those who are good at being mean are the people who are not happy in their current state that they want others to experience it as well. Those people who always put the blame to someone else and are not able to see their flaws are the people who will find it hard to grow maturely because they think highly of themselves. Don’t be like them. Whatever happens to your life, never put the blame to someone else. The truth is, unpleasant things happen because God is preparing your heart. God knows that you have to undergo those kind of circumstances for you to become who He wants you to be. We are all a work in progress. We just have to trust God’s plan for our life. Everything is beautiful in God’s perfect time.