You’re Not In Love, You’re In Love With The Idea Of Love

Here you are again, giving another chance to the person who has already hurt you so many times.

Here you are again, saying you love a person you just met a few days ago.

Here you are again, going out with the person your friends warned you about.

Here you are again, doing stupid, sweet things with someone you just met in a club.

Here you are again, thinking you are in love. Well the truth is, you are not. You are not in love. You just want someone to tell you nice things and make you feel better. You just want someone to take care of you because you can’t do it yourself. You just want someone to love you so you can boost your ego and feel pretty. You just want something to talk about with your friends. You just want someone to make you feel important because deep inside, you feel empty.

Deep inside, you know you are not really in love. You just don’t want to be alone.

If you think love is finding someone who will complete you, then you are just wasting time. You are not looking for love, you are merely going for the idea of love. You can’t love someone if you are not complete. You have to be happy with yourself before you could share happiness with another person. You can’t live with someone just because they make you feel good about yourself. You have to face the mirror and feel contented with what you see before you share your whole life with that person.

Before you go into a relationship, create yourself first. Decide what kind of person you will be. Know your flaws and weaknesses and use that knowledge to be the best person you can be.

Don’t flirt with every person that comes your way. Be choosy. Have standards and stick to these standards.

Don’t settle for less than you deserve just because everyone around you is in a relationship.

Don’t go for the 2nd best option just because you think the right person for you will not come.

Don’t find and wait for the right person, be the right person. You have to show the people around you that you are a person worth loving and worth spending forever with.

If you chose someone just because you think they’re going to fill the gap in your life, you should have filled your own, No matter how many relationships you get into, no matter how many people flirt with you, in the end, you’ll just feel you are forever alone and in love with the idea of being in love.

When You Can’t Move On From Someone Who Hurt You

Do you really want to go back to the person who has hurt you and left you? Do you really want to stay in a relationship that is making you feel unworthy? 

Sometimes, we are blinded by the overwhelming feeling that we have for someone that makes us overlook our current reality. We tend to create a character of the person we love in our mind even though we know that they are not really like that.

I was supposed have this article entitled, “When You Can’t Move On” But I have added the lines -From Someone Who Hurt You. The reason why is because there are two reasons why people can’t move on. First, it is because the person has been deeply hurt. And the second is because the person has hurt someone so much and they can’t find a way to remove the guilt out of their heart. Both are actually hard, but it is harder to move on when you are the one who is carrying the guilt. You might have been hurt in the past but staying stuck on it won’t heal you. You can’t expect your wounds to heal if you are not willing to have it mended. You can’t expect your wounds to heal if you are expecting that it can be fixed by the person who hurt you. 

Physically, if we get hurt from something, we turn away and we try not to get close to that thing again. This is how we should respond emotionally too. But this is really hard and I am not an exemption. I know how hard it is. But as a life’s lesson, we’ll keep on experiencing the same thing over and over again until we learn from it. Moving on is not really easy but if you have been crying for so many times more than being happy, then you have to ask yourself, do you want to be stuck in the past or the present moment when the only possibility is that you will get hurt and cry? Or do you want to move on and let go of your pain and welcome the hundred possibilities in life? 

There is no guarantee that if you move on and let go, you will never get hurt again. But there is a guarantee that if you move on, there will be a hundred possibilities of being happy and free. You may gey hurt for one more time, but at least you have already taken the first step in moving on, you can stand up, move forward and keep on going with the hundred possibilities.

When You Think Life is Unfair

As of this writing, I am 25 years old and turning 26 on the 21st of April. I am single and a mother of a one year old child. Everytime I get to meet new friends and colleagues, they would always tell me in awe that life is so unfair because my body and face doesn’t show that I am already a mother. 

I always get surprised hearing the phrase, “Life is so unfair.” And hearing everyone tell me that I am so lucky to have maintained my body shape after the pregnancy because if they only knew what I had gone through, they wouldn’t want to be in my shoe. I strongly believe that we are all a product of our experiences. Sometimes, we think that other people are having it easy and we tend to get jealous at them thinking that maybe we could be happier if we were them. But the truth is, everyone is struggling and everyone is carrying a baggage just like you do. We just carry different baggages in life and it just depends on how you want to carry those baggages, how long do you want to carry them and when are you willing to put them down.

The truth is, everyone in the world gets hurt. Nobody has it easy and the world is not obliged to protect you from pain. But you have to move on and you have to choose to love and forgive. Because if you don’t, it’s more like choosing not to live anymore. No one is obliged to make you happy and no one is liable for your unhappiness either. Our happiness and unhappiness are the result of our choices. If you choose to stay in a toxic relationship which makes you unhappy, it is not your partner’s fault why you are unhappy. It is a result of your choice to stay on it. If you are happy inlove with someone, it is not the person who is making you happy. It is a result of your choice to keep the person in your life that is making you happy. Everything we feel and everything we have is a result of our choices. Life is never easy and we can never have a perfect life. Nobody has a perfect life, nobody is perfect and nobody is perfectly happy in all aspects of their life. Happiness is a choice even though you know that life isn’t perfect. Yes, it isn’t easy as ABC to forgive someone and put down the baggages. Yes, sorry can never erase everything you’ve gone through especially if you didn’t only get hurt. It is so hard to forgive when your life has been messed up and your dreams had crushed down because of what happened. But sometimes we have to realize that it might have happened because of what someone did, but you had the choice if you are going to let them do it to you. You have to let go of the baggages that are pulling you backwards. You have to forgive and continue to love. Continue to love someone else who deserves your love. Yet you still have a choice to let someone who did you wrong

 to stay in your life after all the mishaps and if they make your life miserable again, never put the blame on them. Because you have a choice not to let them in.

We have to realize that most of our pain are self-inflicted. The truth is, life is simple. It is our choices that are making it complicated.

When Everything Seems Wrong

One day there was a king who got his finger wounded while he was out in the forest with his private doctor. The doctor has put a bandage on it and then the king asked the doctor, “Is it going to be okay?” The doctor replied, “Good, bad… who knows?” In the next few days, it became infected. The king asked the doctor again, “Is it going to be okay?” The doctor replied, “Good, bad.. who knows?” After a few weeks, the wound became more infected and the king’s finger has to be amputated. The king got angry at the doctor and he had put him in the dungeon. One day, the king went out again to the forest and he was trapped by a tribe. They tied him on a tree and started doing their ritual as they were about to sacrifice the king to their God. But when they were about to kill him, someone shouted… “Stop! We cannot sacrifice him to our God. He is not perfect. He only got nine fingers.” They had let go of the king and when the king went back to their kingdom, he let his doctor out of the dungeon and said, “Forgive me. I shouldn’t have became angry at you. If my finger hasn’t been amputated, I should have been dead by now.” The doctor replied with joy, “No, don’t be sorry. I am actually happy and blessed that you have put me in this dungeon. Because if you did not put me here, I would have gone to the forest with you and they might have killed me as a sacrifice to their God because I got ten fingers.”

Many times, we always blame someone else whenever we get hurt. We ask God why it has to happen to us even though we don’t deserve it. But God knows what He is doing. In Jeremiah 1:5 Jesus said  that He has written our life story long before we were born. Even if it is unexpected to us, it has never been unexpected to Him. As cliche’ as it sounds, everything happens for a reason. It is not because you are stupid and you make bad decisions in life. No matter how much you overthink before making a decision, you will still be put on a very hard situation. Whoever tells you that your decisions are the reasons why you are down in the dumps, never believe their words. The truth is, people who are good at telling nasty things to someone and those who are good at being mean are the people who are not happy in their current state that they want others to experience it as well. Those people who always put the blame to someone else and are not able to see their flaws are the people who will find it hard to grow maturely because they think highly of themselves. Don’t be like them. Whatever happens to your life, never put the blame to someone else. The truth is, unpleasant things happen because God is preparing your heart. God knows that you have to undergo those kind of circumstances for you to become who He wants you to be. We are all a work in progress. We just have to trust God’s plan for our life. Everything is beautiful in God’s perfect time.