When You’re Forcing Love to Stay Alive, It isn’t Love Anymore.

Sometimes love is ugly, challenging, frustrating, painful – even in the happiest and strongest of relationships. Love takes work. It takes effort. Love is not always light and pretty. It takes the ability to admit when you’re wrong. It takes dedication, it takes loyalty.

But there is a difference between fighting for something that you know is too good to let go of, and clinging on to something that has already died.

Often, deep down, we already know when it’s not love anymore. What it is is familiarity, routine, insurance. It’s something we’ve gotten used to. It’s a security blanket. It’s the guarantee that we aren’t alone. Sometimes the death of love is easier to sense, if we’re with someone who directly makes us incredibly unhappy. And sometimes it’s harder to admit to ourselves, because we’re with someone whom we care about deeply, even if we’re no longer in love with them. But no matter the specific circumstances, we try to convince ourselves that the love is still there, because we’re not ready for the alternative.

And so we grasp onto it, no matter how much our gut resists, because we’d rather cling to something that is dead than willingly step into a world where we are hurt and alone.

It’s not a fault really, not a flaw. Just human nature. It is in our bones to want to be with other people. To feel instantly comforted from the touch or the assurance of another human being. To feel actual, physical pain when we stretch out in bed and are once again reminded that there is no longer a warm body in the place next to us.

But we must remember that there is a difference between forcing love and fighting for it. Forcing love – forcing yourself to feel something – is not love at all. It’s a manufactured emotion your body has created as a coping mechanism, a survival instinct. Forcing love means it’s already dead. And when you spend all your time forcing yourself to love someone, you miss the opportunity to fight for the person who really sets your soul on fire. The choice isn’t easy, but at least it’s yours.

Beauty in Brokenness

Isn’t it ironic to realize that being broken is actually the best thing that ever happened to you? Because it made you realize that you’ve been lying to yourself. When you feel being used and lied to.. You ignore it and you tell yourself that it isn’t true which in the end would lead you to being emotionally and physically drained. Being broken makes you realize that it is very important to always be honest with yourself. That feeling you have when you think that something is really wrong or something is really right.. it is our intuition telling us that when we listen to our heart and mind, we should always treat them with equal respect and recognition. Being honest with yourself is so important in business and career as it is in love and relationship. It is so hard to lie to yourself.

While the truth isn’t always fun, most of the time it is actually painful but I believe that being true to yourself is the only way for you to create, inspire, innovate, be empowered and achieve the greatness that our world desperately needs.

What if?

what if

Earlier, one of my colleague asked me. “Do you have regrets? Do you have What ifs?” and then I suddenly thought, what if I didn’t fall in love? I might have stayed focused in reaching for my dreams. Maybe, I have already reached my dreams in traveling the world. I would have been working on a cruise ship now together with my former classmates.

But what if all of those heartaches and pain didn’t happen to me? I would still be that little girl who’s afraid to stand up for herself. I would still be that little girl who would do the things that the people around me want me to do even though I don’t really like it.

What if I don’t have a child? What if I am still single and free? I would still be the person who’s lost and doesn’t know where I am heading to.

I did question everything. Why everything has to happen all at once, but then, I learned and understood that God won’t put me in a situation without a purpose. All those pain, trials and mistakes have to happen so that He can fulfill His plan for me.

I don’t have regrets. The only regret that I have is the pain that I have inflicted to my family when I didn’t turn out the way they expected me to be. The only regret that I will have in my life right now, is if I carry on reaching for my dreams alone and neglect the chance to watch my child learn and grow.

The only regret I’ll have is giving up just because of one painful past. The only regret that I’ll have is wasting so much of my time caring too much about the people’s perception and opinion about me.

If I have tasted the most delicious cake in the world and the people around me would ask me to stop eating it because it’s not delicious, I’d still eat it. I won’t care about what they say because I love what I’m doing.

They said, “The winner takes it all.” I believe it’s true. They take everything including disappointments and setbacks.

I know, it’s not that easy and I am still learning. I am getting there. I am learning each and every time I experience judgments.

Life is never easy. It’s not always rainbows and butterflies. And I believe that’s how God designed it to be. He made it that way so that we’ll be able to appreciate the eternal happiness that awaits us when we leave this earth.

Are You Competitive or Insecure?

There’s nothing wrong with being competitive. However, there is a thin line between being competitive and being envy or insecure. A competitive’s mindset is that they will do their best in whatever they do and they are going to focus on improving themselves. They acknowledge the things that they don’t  know yet and they are willing to be corrected because they know that they still have to grow and they don’t know everything.

 While the mindset of a person who is envy and insecure is far too different. They always look at how other people work and they’ll look for something to bash about them. They will try to look for their imperfections and will do their best to let them notice it so that the person would feel bad about themselves or they can make themselves look better than them. 

Are you competing with your old self or are you competing with someone else? Are you competitive or insecure? You know the answer.