Love and Closure

Sometimes closure arrives years later. Long after you stopped searching for it. You’re just sitting there, laughing this laugh that is unapologetically yours. As it trails off, the corners of your mouth hugs your face and it hits you, “I’m happy”. It’s just like that. With no fanfare or epiphany. Suddenly you are grateful for goodbyes that carried you to this moment; to the space you are now holding.

Though I understand why we get stuck sometimes. Hearts are stubborn. They sink their hooks into bad habits that look like people and dreams. But look at how much we give of ourselves. Our most precious gifts handed over to another who may, or may not value them as much as we do. Have you ever heard someone fall asleep? Or watched someone break down? There’s so few people in this world that you can share breakfast at midnight with, or that can completely forgive you. The people that get you to believe it’s actually all worth it, and don’t flinch when you look them in the eyes, never waver, and make a bed more comfortable. So when you find them, you, in a way, find yourself. And when you lose them, you, in a way, lose yourself. But know this: you will always be too much for anyone not enough. Somewhere out there is someone who’ll bring pieces of you home. And you’ll realize that losing everything is the only way to figure out what’s worth finding.

Because love isn’t easy and problem free. Everyone has a difficult past and scars in their heart. Just like how love is as beautiful as the sunrise, it is also as painful as the sunset.

You’re Not In Love, You’re In Love With The Idea Of Love

Here you are again, giving another chance to the person who has already hurt you so many times.

Here you are again, saying you love a person you just met a few days ago.

Here you are again, going out with the person your friends warned you about.

Here you are again, doing stupid, sweet things with someone you just met in a club.

Here you are again, thinking you are in love. Well the truth is, you are not. You are not in love. You just want someone to tell you nice things and make you feel better. You just want someone to take care of you because you can’t do it yourself. You just want someone to love you so you can boost your ego and feel pretty. You just want something to talk about with your friends. You just want someone to make you feel important because deep inside, you feel empty.

Deep inside, you know you are not really in love. You just don’t want to be alone.

If you think love is finding someone who will complete you, then you are just wasting time. You are not looking for love, you are merely going for the idea of love. You can’t love someone if you are not complete. You have to be happy with yourself before you could share happiness with another person. You can’t live with someone just because they make you feel good about yourself. You have to face the mirror and feel contented with what you see before you share your whole life with that person.

Before you go into a relationship, create yourself first. Decide what kind of person you will be. Know your flaws and weaknesses and use that knowledge to be the best person you can be.

Don’t flirt with every person that comes your way. Be choosy. Have standards and stick to these standards.

Don’t settle for less than you deserve just because everyone around you is in a relationship.

Don’t go for the 2nd best option just because you think the right person for you will not come.

Don’t find and wait for the right person, be the right person. You have to show the people around you that you are a person worth loving and worth spending forever with.

If you chose someone just because you think they’re going to fill the gap in your life, you should have filled your own, No matter how many relationships you get into, no matter how many people flirt with you, in the end, you’ll just feel you are forever alone and in love with the idea of being in love.

Broken

Remember the first time you got your heart broken? It hurts like hell right? It’s funny how someone who meant the world to you and promised you the whole world is now

a stranger. So there you are, alone and afraid to fall in love because you don’t want to feel broken again. It’s funny how the person you once loved is now the reason for your hatred. 
It’s true that you can never force someone to love you regardless if you are still committed. Everything is borrowed and temporary. Once they fall out of love, it would be so hard to get them to love you back again. 

Having said that, though we don’t own their hearts, I believe that we are all entitled for respect and we are all entitled for an honest goodbye. 

But what if we’re left hanging not knowing that we are waiting for nothing because no one’s coming back?

How hard is it to be honest and tell you that they don’t love you anymore and they just want to be free? No matter how painful the words are, we all deserve an explanation. 

What adds an insult to your injury is knowing that they were the one who stabbed you and then they act like they are the one who’s bleeding.

So there you are, feeling used, dumped and insecure asking what is wrong with you. 

The truth is, nothing is wrong with you. You just chose the wrong person. You just chose not to follow your intuition when you first met them and found their boo-boos. You ignored those things because you were blinded by your infatuation. 

There’s nothing wrong with you. There is something wrong with the people you choose to be with. 

What I have learned in my 26 years of existence is that you don’t have to welcome all the people that you meet in your life. You have to choose wisely and follow your instincts. Avoid people who mess with your head. Avoid people who keep on doing the things that upset you. Avoid people who want you to prioritize them but refuses to prioritize you. 

You might have been left out, but I call it destiny when you grow from a place where someone left you in.

The Cure for the Pain is in the Pain

Hello, it’s been a while. Today, I want to write about the cure for our pain. 

In order for our wound to be healed, we need to undergo the pain of the being pricked. We need to bear with the stinging pain of the ointments but we normally refuse. It’s because we know it will hurt us more. Even though we know that it is the only remedy for our pain.

Emotionally, we often love our wound more than thinking of loving ourselves. And don’t you think it’s funny how we find ourselves loving the person who hurt us more than we love ourselves? So, we end up bearing all the pain that we feel because of them, and we end up staying stuck in a situation that is so painful just because we don’t want to let them go.

However, as days go by, we get used to the pain that it already makes us numb. We thought it’s normal because we got used to it. So, we just let things be the way they are although we know that there’s something wrong. 

The truth is, we won’t realize how poorly someone is treating us until we meet someone who treats us the way we should be treated. That’s when we realize that we shouldn’t allow people to treat us poorly just because we love them. 

We tend to hold on to the pain just because we already got used to it. Taking the bitter pill or that stinging needle of injection for us to be cured may hurt a little more, b

ut would you rather choose a lifetime kind of pain or the temporary kind of pain? Would you rather suffer for the rest of your life or take the risk of feeling the unfamiliar kind of pain that leads you to your healing?

26 Notes to Myself on my 26th

1. Be the girl who isn’t afraid to laugh at herself, who still manages to pull off the worst of jokes, and can effortlessly brighten a room with the sound of her laughter.
2. Be the girl who is self-aware and recognizes her own flaws. The girl who continually strives to better herself.

3. Be the girl who is comfortable in her own skin; the girl that doesn’t let her insecurities stand in the way of her happiness.

4. Be the girl whom friends can call at 2 in the morning with a problem. Be the girl who is willing to drop everything for the people she loves. Don’t, however, be the girl who lets people walk all over her.

5. Be the girl who is willing to take risks. Be the girl who can experiment and try new things without losing sight of her values.

6. Be the girl who refuses to let someone dull the sparkle in her eyes.

7. Be the girl who knows how to choose her battles wisely. Be the girl who will fight for what she believes in, but not fight for the sake of fighting.

8. Be the girl who knows how to apologize for her mistakes. Be the girl who refuses to apologize for her feelings, beliefs, or morals.

9. Be the girl who is humble in her achievements.

10. Be the girl that wears her heart on her sleeve, who is capable of being vulnerable, who can live without fear of being brokenhearted. Be the girl that can have the strength to be hurt but not broken.

11. Be the girl who is capable of doing things on her own, but don’t be afraid to be the girl who asks for help when she needs it.

12. Be the girl who is smart enough to know when it’s time to let something or someone go.

13. Be the girl who has a thirst for knowledge, who sees beauty in the world around her and constantly strives to learn more about it.

14. Be the girl who is compassionate and empathetic; who will lend a hand when she can to a complete stranger, and who will listen without a judgmental ear.

15. Be the girl who sees the best in people, but does not ignore the worst.

16. Be the girl who refuses to settle for anything less than she absolutely deserves.

17. Be the girl who gives other people the benefit of the doubt.

18. Be the girl who works for what she wants. Be the girl who would rather earn her way rather than cheat her way through life.

19. Be the girl who does not need a significant other in her life, who can thrive on her own, and does not need someone else’s affection to validate her self worth.

20. Be the girl who sees beauty in imperfection.

21. Be the girl who does not need to put others down in order to feel better about herself.

22. Be the girl who is kind to everyone, not just her equals or superiors.

23. Be the girl who knows when to listen and when to speak.

24. Be the girl is playful. Be the girl who knows the appropriate times to be serious and to have fun.

25.  Be the girl who is comfortable with silence.

26. Be the girl who learns from the past. Be the girl who does not dwell on what she did or didn’t do, but accepts it for something she cannot change.

When You Have So Many Reasons To Hate


During my time off work, I have spent my days with my devotion and as I’ve heard the preaching earlier too about the power of Jesus and His love for us, it made me realize a lot of things. 

We have a lot of excuses in this world to feel negative. We have a lot of excuses when we don’t want to let go of those negative feelings and hold on to our anger and pain. Too many reasons like they deserve your anger because they have a very bad attitude, they are selfish, they have inflicted pain on you, they have a lot of boo-boo’s, etc. We hold on to our anger that everytime we see them or we think about them, we can’t stop ourselves from being angry. But everything we felt, Jesus felt it too. Betrayal, pain, suffering, shame, etc. What He felt was a lot harder than we have felt but He did not turn His back and thought about not dying on the cross for us. When I heard the message, I felt guilty and ashamed. Jesus has experienced all those sufferings and pains and He was willing to do it for me yet I live my life like I am living for myself and not for Him. Moreover, if I make my heart my own master, I may get lost because the heart is deceitful but the Lord Jesus Christ is always faithful. He is always there even at times that we feel so alone. 

Letting go of anger and resentment is more of being kind to yourself because you don’t want to be full of negative emotions that would disturb you greatly and would hinder you from being happy. Forgiveness and letting go is an act of being kind to yourself so that you can live peacefully. Never let someone affect you from being happy. A tiger doesn’t lose it’s sleep over the opinion of a sheep. It doesn’t matter what others would say, what matters is what Jesus will say. He had written your life story before you were born. He had promised to prosper you and give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11) Some may have meant evil for you but He meant everything that’s happening to you for your good. Trust His heart. Trust His purpose and trust His timing. Rejoice in the Lord always for everything that you are experiencing are part of His plan for your life. If Joseph wasn’t sold by his siblings, he won’t become the right hand of the king of Egypt. In the end, God’s purpose and plan will always prevail.